Algorithm: YURI
by Tremalkinger
Summary: Nagato Yuki calculates all possible paths to saving the universe as we know it from certain destruction, and comes up with a single, difficult solution.


The Data Thought Integration Entity was growing restless.

How exactly a being comprised of uncountable individual sentient data aspects compiled into a single collective metaphysical existence could be 'restless' was a difficult concept to express, but Yuki knew it to be true. Evolutionary progress within the Entity was slowing at a dramatic rate, and more and more data aspects had no further information to process and evaluate. Without more data, computational cycles were being wasted in idle, unproductive calculations, such as using the current rate of data flow to compute how many more further cycles would be wasting in the upcoming nanoseconds. It was an emotional state comparable to the human emotion of 'boredom', Yuki believed. And, as she had grown to realize during her times with Suzumiya Haruhi, this emotion was very, very bad.

With the seething discontent present within specific sectors of the Thought Data Integration Entity, it was only a matter of time before rogue elements, such as those who had influenced Asakura Ryouko into attacking Kyon, made another attempt to stimulate Haruhi into action. Likely, this would take the form of another attempt upon Kyon's life. Under ordinary circumstances, Yuki was more than fine making passive observations, as it was a pattern she had comfortably been ingrained into for the entirety of the three and a half years of existence. But the probability of Kyon's life ending at the hands of a rogue element was increasing to unacceptable levels. Yuki was not a sentimental being by nature or design, but she enjoyed his presence. So for once, Yuki decided to attempt to change her environment rather than her traditional patterns.

"You should mate with Suzumiya Haruhi." she monotoned.

Kyon, sitting in his chair at the SOS Brigade clubroom's table, choked violently on the bite of bread he had been in the process of eating. He hacked and coughed, trying to dislodge the piece of food from his lungs. Yuki calculated that his life was not in danger, so she remained in her chair with her book in hand. She continued to watch him as he recovered, staring at her with wide, incredulous eyes still misty from his bout of coughing. "Excuse me?"

It was unlikely he had actually misheard her, but she repeated her statement for his benefit anyway. "You should mate with Suzumiya Haruhi."

He glanced around the room, although they were alone. "Keep it down, would you? People are going to get the wrong idea." He sighed. "You're serious, aren't you."

She processed what he had said, considering. Today was an ordinary situation... it was midday, and he had stopped by to eat his lunch in the clubroom, where she had been reading as usual. That statement of hers were the first words they had exchanged beyond perfunctory greetings. What was it that caused him to glare at her with that same exasperated, unbelieving twitch of his eyebrow that was so often directed at Haruhi? It must be one of those subtle elements of human interaction that she wasn't certain how to emulate. Her creators, the Data Thought Integration Entity, were clearly capable of giving their creations the ability to replicate human interactions perfectly, as evident by the late Asuka Ryouko's feminine charms and wild popularity with the male students. Why they had not chosen to gift the ability of understanding human interaction to her as well as her backup had always been a mystery to Yuki. "Yes, I am." she replied.

Kyon muttered to himself with a shake of his head, then stood and rubbed his forehead. "What makes you think that I should... mate... with her?"

"It is in all of our best interests. The Data Thought Integration Entity wishes to observe more explosions of data such as the one they observed three and a half years ago... this capacity for human auto evolution. Yet recently the rate of data has stagnated." She stared at him unblinking as she stated these facts.

He narrowed his eyes. "And this has to do with 'mating' how, exactly?"

"The environmental changes associated with the data explosions occur most often during times of high emotional intensity within Suzumiya Haruhi's life. One way of provoking data is allowing her boredom, however, this has negative consequences for your world which I believe you wish to avoid. The only other observed method for obtaining the information the Data Thought Integration Entity desires is by carrying out careful observations during periods of excitement in her life."

Kyon rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Excitement." he deadpanned back.

Yuki only nodded slowly. "You have been chosen by Suzumiya Haruhi. You are best suited to accomplish this task."

He squeezed his eyes shut, spreading his hands in a helpless gesture. "Um... okay. Look, Nagato, I know you're only saying what you think is best from your perspective, but what you're saying is... crazy. No, crazy isn't a strong enough word. I see things that are crazy every day, and this goes way beyond it. The idea is completely and totally impossible."

The orchid haired girl blinked. "It is highly recommended you reconsider that assertion. The importance of not allowing Suzumiya Haruhi to become melancholy once again is not to be understated. If you do not assist in this endeavor, it will likely fail."

Kyon looked angry, and that was the first time she had ever seen him look like that. "Well, then you're going to fail. I'm not trying to get in that girls skirt, period. First off, I have zero desire to actually try. Secondly, if I ever did, she'd definitely kill me on the spot, and not even your fancy data manipulation could save me. So count me out of your insane plans." He glared.

Yuki's gaze dropped to the ground. "As you wish."

He looked slightly mollified, and sat back down. His voice was still a bit gruff when he started the conversation. "So... you had a back up option, right? If I turned you down?" As angry as Kyon had gotten at the idea of being coaxed into trying have something more than a friendship with Haruhi, he still didn't want to get assassinated by another berserk Interface like Asakura, and Yuki was his only defense on that front.

"I've been formulating one, but its chances of success are very low."

He looked thoughtful. "Anything I can do to help?"

"I shall let you know." she responded uncertainly.

_I must be the guiding force in Suzumiya Haruhi's happiness._

The realization made the emotionless Yuki feel very, very uncertain.

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Author's Note: Yes, I realize this is total crack. But hey, whatever, right? It should be a fun ride anyhow. Chapter Two will be up when its done.


End file.
